There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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