so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
