i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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