she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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