You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
