You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
