i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
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All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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