I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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