At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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