I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
