I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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