dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
