On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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