people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
