sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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