So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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