Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
