I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
