woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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