No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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