"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i came on her dog
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
