apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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