I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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