Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
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your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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