Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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