dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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