Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
