When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
