bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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