I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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