how can u be prego again
This girl is more easily done than said...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
