Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
