The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
