I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
