You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
