Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
