Your dad touched me again.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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