things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We need to get me chipped asap
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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