she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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