It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
