Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
