I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
