Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
