Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
