you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
