If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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