Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
