He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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