fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
