She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
