Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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