you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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