Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i drank out of a bidet.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
