ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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