I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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