I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
