Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
