You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
