I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
