youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
