How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
