I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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