Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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