dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
