Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
