I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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